


I'll Help You

by DarkAngelGirl13



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bathtub, Britin - Freeform, Caring Brian Kinney (Queer As Folk), Declarations Of Love, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Extreme angst, Feelings, Feels, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Character Death, POV Brian Kinney (Queer as Folk), POV Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk), Protective Brian Kinney (Queer as Folk), References to Canon, References to Depression, Sad, Season/Series 02, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Supportive Brian Kinney (Queer as Folk), mention of gay bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-13 00:15:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21485197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAngelGirl13/pseuds/DarkAngelGirl13
Summary: Brian gets a call from Justin, but it's not a call he is going to let go. He's not about to let Justin leave if he can help it.
Relationships: Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 31





	I'll Help You

**Author's Note:**

> I Own Nothing
> 
> Okay this just came to me after Justin's melt down in season 2 episode 2 after he smashed his room up. Sorry if it's a little dark, but he had hit a breaking point kind of. I just made it a what if he took it farther than saying he should have died. This is not a death story.

Brian looked at his phone when it rang debating on not answering. He was trying to do the right thing, but he didn't want Justin out of his life. He picked up after a second ring wishing he hadn't have pushed Justin out of the loft. He was struggling still and it was clear that Justin was broken. He was broken too watching Justin suffer and he couldn't do anything about it. It was what got him to answer the phone even if he shouldn't. Before he got a word out he heard the voice on the other end. 

"He should have just killed me. All I wanted was you now you don't even want me. I'd rather be dead, goodbye." Justin said before the line went dead. 

"Justin, hello?" Brian asked hoping that maybe he'd heard wrong. 

Brian didn't think about what he was doing he just grabbed his keys while redialing Justin's cell phone. It went striaght to voicemail every time, but after the third try he called Jennifer since he'd put her number on his phone months ago. He wasn't about to let Justin die or even think about killing his self. He was sure he'd broken plenty of traffic laws, but when he got to the house he didn't care about it. The only thing he was thinking about was getting to Justin before he did anything stupid. He rang the door bell before he started knocking on the door too hoping Jennifer would hurry up an answer it. 

"Brian?" Jennifer said when she opened the door shocked to see him there. 

She had been thinking things over after Justin's melt down knowing that she couldn't keep them apart even if she didn't want Justin with Brian. She'd planned on going to see him later, but the fact he was standing at her door was odd. She had thought he wouldn't come back by the way he'd acted the other day. 

"I'm sorry." Brian said not giving her an explanation when it was clear she was confused. 

He took off towards where he knew Justin's room was. He'd been in it three days ago before he'd been told not to come back. He'd laid on Justin's bed with him because Justin had wanted him close. It was before Daphne had shown up to see Justin, but he didn't know what he'd find there now. He could hear Jennifer behind him calling out his name. He just didn't care as long as he found Justin before it was too late. He was hoping that Justin hadn't meant it out right. Justin wasn't in his room, but it was a disaster area with stuff thrown all over and broken. It felt like a mirror in a way because he knew Justin was breaking on the inside at the moment. He'd thought about it on the way over and knew he'd do anything to make sure that Justin got better. 

He turned around finding Molly knocking on the bathroom door telling Justin to hurry up. He was defiantly worried if Justin had locked his self in the bathroom. There were plenty of things that he could get into in there to hurt his self. After Justin had started staying over a lot he'd gotten rid of his bottles of Tylenol at the loft. He doubted Jennifer kept any there, but there could be other meds. He got Molly to move before putting all his weight against the door since it was locked. He'd fix the door later as long as he got Justin out of the bathroom. 

~JB BJ JB BJ~

Justin threw his phone against the wall after he hung up on Brian. He felt nothing but a cold feeling inside of his chest. He'd worked for the last month to get out of the hosptial so he could see Brian. It's all he wanted and by the way Daphne talked about prom he felt like something might have changed that he couldn't remember. It had been good and he'd seen Brian, then it was all gone again. What he wanted so badly was taken away and he just didn't care anymore. Working to get better had only gotten him rejected and it was real this time. Brian had shut the door on him and told him to go away. He'd known that his mom had done it when Brian hadn't answered him on why he had to leave. 

He was a freak now and he wasn't wanted by the one person he'd loved. If Brian was there he could somehow make it. It had been a stupid thought and now that fantasy that he'd had was destroyed. He was eighteen he had a right to decide for his self yet it was all gone. He locked the bathroom door once he was in it looking at his self in the mirror. He closed his eyes seeing after a moment hating what was looking back at him. He'd been happy and Brian had saved him twice now, but this time he wouldn't be saved. 

Last time Brian had taken him with him when he'd seen his parents didn't want him to be his self. Now he got left alone and broken, which was what he was. He was broken and unwanted so there wasn't a reason to even stick around. He should have just died instead of having to live the way his life was now. He couldn't even draw and it was the second best thing in his life. He'd lost the first so the only thing his brain could process was he should just die. He just couldn't bring his self to do it even though he kept thinking it. He felt dead inside like nothing was going to get better. 

After a few minutes he stripped down getting in the tub letting it fill up. He could hear Molly banging on the door wanting him to hurry up, but he didn't want to open the door. He laid back in the tub the opposite end of where the water was coming in. He could feel the water as it rose up covering his ears after a few minutes. Right before it did he could have sworn he heard Brian yelling his name out. It was a lie though, his mind wanting him to think Brian had come to save him again. He felt the tears being washed away as the water reached his eyes. He closed them taking in a breath before it reached his mouth and then nose. 

All the memories were running through his mind that he could remember. His dad didn't even want him anymore. He hadn't asked once how he was since he'd been told how it happened. He'd heard his mom talking to Debbie about it, but he couldn't feel anything but numbness. His lungs were burning, but he kept trying to hold his breath. Something kept running through his mind as he lay there debating if he should end it all. Brian screaming his name, Brian was trying to save him. The image was so vivid in his mind. 

He saw it all play out before him as Hobbs came at him with the bat. He could swear he heard the echo before he was falling into blackness. He heard his name again like it was far away. It was Brian's voice once again screaming at him. It was the same moment he stopped holding his breath. He felt the water rushing in for a second before he was being yanked from the bath tub. 

~JB BJ JB BJ~

It was the third shove that the door broke in on the bathroom and Brian got inside. He saw Justin in the tub with the water filling up close to the rim of it. He didn't think he turned it off before he pulled Justin up from underneath the cold water. He wasn't sure how long he'd been under it. It could have been since he'd hung up on him or just seconds. He got his answer when Justin started coughing once he had him in his arms on the floor. 

"Just let me die already." Justin said. "It'll be easier if I was dead, no one will have to worry about me. He doesn't care how much I love him. He doesn't care, he keeps wanting me gone. If I die he gets his wish, I'll be gone for good." He didn't know who he was holding onto just that someone had pulled him from the water grave he'd tried to create. 

Brian felt like someone had punched him in the gut hearing Justin's words. He knew that Justin didn't know he was the one that had him. He tightened his hold letting his own tears out that he'd been trying to keep away for days now. He didn't know how to make things better, but he wasn't going to let Justin go. He sat with Justin on the floor letting him cry against his shoulder. He needed Justin to know he was here so it could maybe pull him out of the place he had gone to.

"I love you Justin. I lied to you, I was there every night watching you sleep. I slept at the hosptial for the first three days covered in your blood cause I couldn't go home. I care about you and I don't want you to die. I couldn't take it if you died then or now so please don't do say it, never say it again." Brian said not caring that he was breaking all his walls down. "You changed everything that night and I don't care what I said in the past; you can't check out and leave me. I don't want you to go Justin. You're not just the boy wonder, the trick that stayed, or any other thing that you were called. Except maybe Sunshine because that smile of yours that got you the nickname I finally saw. It was beautiful and I don't want to go through life never seeing that again." 

~JB BJ JB BJ~

It was the one thing that never got said in all the dreams and nightmares Justin had. He pulled back finally looking at who had pulled him out of the tub. He had thought it might have been a neighbor his mom called or maybe she'd called 911. It wasn't either, he found Brian looking back at him. He hadn't heard I love you in any of the things he'd thought Brian would say when he saw him again. He hadn't even thought that Brian would show up when he'd called him saying goodbye. He hadn't known if he was actually going to go through with it, but he'd been hurting so badly from being rejected. When he'd opened his mouth he'd still been fighting his mind on giving up.

"You said I love you?" Justin asked needing to know he hadn't dreamed it.

"I love you Justin, please never doubt that again. I'm not going to leave you either. I swear to you I won't walk away again. I walked away twice now and almost lost you both times." Brian said pulling Justin closer to him. "If I could have taken that bat for you I would have. It's going to take time, but we'll get through this. I'll help you, Sunshine." 

The words weren't empty promises either when he said them. He meant every word of what it would take to make sure Justin got away from the thoughts he should be dead. He didn't care what his mom wanted he refused to abandon Justin. He leaned forward kissing Justin putting what he felt into the kiss. He'd said the words, but he wanted him to feel it too. 

~JB BJ JB BJ~

Justin looked around his room once he got back to it. Brian had gotten him off the floor and his mom had engulfed him in a hug. He hadn't thought about what it would do to Molly or her if he wasn't there anymore. He hadn't been able to think past the fact she'd taken what he loved away. He had been furious with her and Brian for just given in to what she'd said. He'd felt alone and like he'd never be happy again. Now that his mind wasn't clouded by the hurt he could see what he had done wasn't right. He felt the guilt of given in to what he'd felt almost letting his self drown.

He'd told his mom he was sorry, but he knew it was going take more than words for scarying her again. He'd seen the fear in her eyes before she'd looked past him at Brian. The words should had given him some peace and happiness, but they hadn't. He knew that he needed help even if she'd asked Brian to take him home. It was almost too much, but before he felt like he was being swallowed up again he felt Brian's arms go around him. They called him Sunshine, but he was pretty sure that right now it was Brian that was his light. 

"Get some things and I'll clean up the rest of the stuff." Brian said against Justin's ear knowing he'd been slipping again. He felt Justin's left hand holding onto him tight and he let him take the comfort he needed. He didn't let go until he was sure Justin wasn't sinking back into the blackness. 

Justin didn't want to let go, but he nodded going to get a few of his things for the night. He wanted to get out of the house and away from some of his darkness. It didn't take long since he couldn't really think of what he needed. He got two changes of clothes before sitting on his bed watching Brian. He figured if he kept watching him then he couldn't fall away from reality. The reality where he hadn't died in the parking garage or in the bathtub. Brian had saved him once again, he'd promised that he wouldn't let him down again either. 

~JB BJ JB BJ~

"I don't want to die I just don't know how face the world again. I'm terrified of being in public and trying to get to you today really did freak me out. I felt like I couldn't even breathe when you shut the door in my face. I don't even remember tearing my room apart or actually getting into the tub. When I go into a rage it's like I black out and disappear from being me." Justin said trying to explain why he did it.

"You can come back from this no matter what they told you. I know someone you can talk to about it. I'll go with you the same way I'm going to therapy with you. He's nothing like the one you saw last year with your mom. We don't even have to go to his office if you don't want to be there." Brian said knowing that Justin hated the idea of seeing a thearpist. Hell he did too, but he'd go for Justin. 

"Okay, can we get out of here? I'm tired and just want to sleep for a while." Justin said.

"Yeah, we can go." Brian answered wanting to get out of the house his self. 

He'd promised Jennifer he would help Justin before they'd left her to clean up the bathroom. It didn't feel like he'd won though even if he was taking Justin back to the loft. He wasn't happy, he wasn't sure what he was feeling besides relief. He had another reason he hated bath tubs now, they could be a watery grave. His first reason was all you did was soak in your own filth.

He put his arm around Justin leading him out of the house once they'd let Molly and Jennifer know they were leaving. He couldn't say the word goodbye though, it had been almost the last thing Justin said to him. The first time it had been later, but that word wasn't as finale. He had seen Justin later, but goodbye meant something so much worse. 

~THE END~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reviews and kudos. 
> 
> I'm sorry if this was dark I hadn't planned it, but it's what came out. If ever feel as low as he did call someone it can always change


End file.
